One Sunday, while still depressed from yet another love affair gone south, I came across a quote from Wolfgang Goethe: “If I love you, what business is it of yours?” A lightning bolt struck me as I realized that being in love has nothing at all to do with the other person. It’s like saying to her “I love you, but it has nothing to do with you”. All these women I had fallen in love with over the years; all these infatuations, lusts and compulsions were about me and me alone! But what about everything I learned? I had believed those relationship people who said couples are drawn together to resolve issues from their childhood. My spirituality took a hit since I also believed that falling in love was really two souls drawn together to further their eternal healing and rise up closer to God. What about the evolution angle? If we don’t have instinct getting some of us together, we would surely become extinct, right? Still those dang words of Goethe are so clear to me. If falling in love has nothing to do with her, then something surely must be wrong with me.When I fall in love, I lose my ego boundaries. All I think of is being with her. Watch video in link below
I don’t eat. I lose interest in important things like my job, my bills, and my friends. I’m moving a million miles a minute like some hyperactive child… well, like a maniac. So I looked it up. Mania manifests as hyperactivity, grandiose behaviors, unreasonable assumptions and at times, high-risk behavior. So that’s it, I’m manic! No wait! There’s a sadness I feel too, a stressful kind of depression going on. If her voice wasn’t on the phone, then I’d rather not talk. I’d die a thousand deaths waiting for my email to be answered. Did she read it? Is she ignoring me? Is she reading another man’s email? Where’s my cell phone? Is it charged? I would call myself to make sure it worked! I doubted myself constantly. I promised and I prayed. Argh! I couldn’t get up off the couch but I sure could jump towards the window when I heard anything resembling the sound of her car door slamming. Of course, all sounds were remarkably similar to the sound of her car door slamming. Isn’t that depressing? I looked that up too and now I’m both manic and depressed (and obviously confused).So what triggers this love stuff.